How to prepare for school meetings about your child's SEND
School meetings about your child's needs can feel overwhelming. Here's how to prepare, what to ask, and how to make sure agreed actions actually happen.
Before the meeting
Preparation makes a huge difference. Write down your three most important points — the things you absolutely must raise. It's easy to leave a meeting realising you forgot to mention something crucial because the conversation went in a different direction.
Gather any relevant documents: recent reports, assessment results, examples of your child's work, or notes from other professionals. If you have a professional report that hasn't been shared with the school, bring copies.
Ask the school in advance who will be attending the meeting and what the agenda is. If you want someone specific there (the SENCO, a teaching assistant, the head teacher), request it beforehand.
Bring someone with you
You're allowed to bring someone to any school meeting — a partner, family member, friend, or advocate. Having another person there helps in two ways: they can take notes while you talk, and they provide emotional support. Meetings about your child can be unexpectedly emotional, especially if you feel the school isn't understanding or providing for your child's needs.
SENDIASS (the free SEND information and advice service in every Local Authority) can sometimes send someone to attend meetings with you. Parent support group members may also be willing to come along.
During the meeting
Listen carefully, but don't be afraid to ask questions. If someone uses jargon you don't understand, ask them to explain. If you disagree with something, say so calmly and explain why. "I hear what you're saying, but that doesn't match what I see at home" is a perfectly reasonable response.
Push for specifics. "We'll keep an eye on it" is not an action. "Mrs Smith will carry out a Boxall Profile assessment by half-term and share the results with you" is. Ask: who will do what, by when, and how will we know if it's working?
If you feel the meeting is going in a direction you're not comfortable with, you can ask for time. "I'd like to think about this before agreeing" is always acceptable.
After the meeting
Send a follow-up email within 24 hours summarising what was discussed and what was agreed. This creates a written record that's invaluable if things don't happen as promised. Keep it factual: "Thank you for the meeting on [date]. We agreed that [action 1] would happen by [date], that [action 2] would be reviewed at [date], and that [person] would contact [service] about [referral]."
If the school doesn't follow through on agreed actions, reference this email. If there's a pattern of agreed actions not being delivered, this written trail becomes important evidence for an EHCP application or complaint.
When meetings aren't working
If you feel the school isn't listening, isn't taking your child's needs seriously, or is consistently failing to deliver agreed support, escalate. Start with the head teacher if you've been meeting with the SENCO. If that doesn't work, contact the school's governors. You can also contact your Local Authority's SENDIASS for advice on next steps.
Remember that you can request an EHC needs assessment at any time — you don't need the school's permission or agreement. If the school is unable or unwilling to meet your child's needs from their own resources, that may in fact be evidence that an EHCP is needed.